Christmas is two months away, but we already know what we're getting Joaquin Phoenix -- some stress management classes!

After hanging up on a reporter from Time Out New York, the cranky actor has lashed out at his We Own The Night co-star Eva Mendes for joking that working with him was "kind of like working with a puppy dog or a 2-year-old" -- and it's all in the December issue of Playboy magazine. "Had I known I was supposed to be a puppy dog, I would have been much more cute and more consistently attentive," Joaquin says. "My apologies, Eva, but I had a few other scenes that you weren't in. This puppy dog had a lot of work to do." Maybe he didn't act like a puppy dog, but he sure knows how to act like a beeyatch!