Alloy.com

"My BF went to college and dumped me! How can I get him back?"

You Said:
"My BF and I have been together since I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. Things were totally great between us -- we were in love, and we always talked about our future together. This past August, he went away to college, leaving me behind for one last year of high school. Before he left, he promised that nothing would change and that we'd visit each other all the time. But from his first week at school, he started acting really distant. He wouldn't call me back right away, and he acted shady when I asked where he was or who he was with. When we did get a chance to talk, all we would do was fight. A few days ago, he told me that he was just hanging with the guys, but I totally heard girls giggling in the background. When I confronted him, he called me jealous and overprotective and said he needed space from me. I don't want to break up with him because I love him so much, and I know that we were meant for each other. What can I do to change his mind?"

We Say:
Maybe the question isn't how you can get him back -- maybe you should be asking if you should really be in this relationship right now. You've been with him for three years, and that's amazing, but maybe it's time that you both took some time to reconsider your relationship. We understand that it's hard to let go of someone you love, but college is about branching out and really finding out who you are. Chances are, he's not avoiding you to get with another girl, but he's probably looking for some freedom to figure out who he is on his own. (Next year, you'll likely feel the same things that your BF is feeling now when you go away to college.) So let your BF get a little distance from your relationship, and use this time to get some space for yourself as well. Talk to him about what this break will mean, and make sure you both understand the stipulations. Can you hook up with other people? How often will you talk (if at all)? When will you reconvene to discuss your relationship? Perhaps you'll take a month of not talking at all, and then touch base about what happened while you were apart. When you do regroup, you'll both be able to tell you whether or not you should be together at this point in time. If you and your BF are really meant for each other, you'll both realize that you want to be together and things will work themselves out in the future.

You Say!