kaci brown

August 17, 2006
Page 1

LEARNING
LEAVING
LOVING

It's been quite some time since I've had a moment of truth with myself. I've realized that life will never be what you want it to be, if you set your expectations too high. As a child, I lived a very driven life. As most of you know, I wasn't the only one driving. I'm not going to come right out and say I was pushed to be in the industry -- it was definitely my dream, but there were many pressures on my shoulders that I had difficulties dealing with. I'm not writing this for you to feel sorry for me, or for your attention. I want nothing more than one more attempt at being understood.

I have not been to a public school since the sixth grade. Many times in my life, my abnormality seemed to highlight itself. In turn, I became an atypical mess. Just as any other girl, I have searched for outlets of expression. I've never felt that there was any room for mistakes in my life. I was always to learn from everyone else's, and it felt extremely robotic. To this day, and after everything I've been through, I still feel somewhat robotic. This is not me confessing I'm fake, but admitting that there's a hint of an identity crisis going on. Everyone has a battle between good and evil within. I apologize to anyone I've offended over the past couple of weeks -- due to one pair of shorts. Once again, I feel that there's no room for mistakes. When I'm feeling a little down, I tend to dress in a little less, and wear a little more on my face. Lately, I haven't felt as "perfect" as some like to say I am. Maybe it wasn't the attention from the cameras that I wanted? I'll leave that at that.

A topic that's really hard for me to discuss is what really happened with my parents. Personally, I don't think it's appropriate for anyone outside the family to be talking about this, but I'm going to say enough to clear these "rumors" up. My mother's divorce was final last week. This was not her fault. She fought as hard as she possibly could to keep the marriage together. He was unfaithful before we ever moved to Tennessee from Texas. It just got worse when we went on tour last summer. This cannot be blamed on me, or my music career. Some people are just never satisfied. I'll leave this at this as well.