kaci brown

July 31, 2006
Page 2

I recently bought a new car. Now, most everyone would be ecstatic. Instead of showing delight in this new, beautiful object, I felt guilty. I felt I didn't deserve it; so many people have no car at all, and here I am buying something I don't need. If any of you know me personally, I'm not a shopper. I highly dislike buying things. I'll go to the mall, but very rarely will I actually go into a store and purchase anything. If ever you find me doing so, it's normally for someone else.

Once in the driver's seat, I started feeling proud?an emotion in which I despise. I realized how easily you can get caught up in filling your life with "stuff" just because it makes you feel good at the time. With this experience, I see how enough can sometimes never be enough.

It's like a drug, or plastic surgery. Once you get a certain buzz or look a certain way, if you like it, why would you not want more? Fortunately, I've never done any kind of drug, but it makes you take a step back and see how some people end up where they are. I don't think anyone ever intends to go to the extremes that they do.

It's funny how quickly the happiness that material things can bring you fades. I have to ask myself, "What is true happiness?" Joy is one of the nine fruits of the spirit, and a fruit in which I pray to bare.

I've had a cold for the past five or six days. I, standing behind "everything happens for a reason," feel that someone is trying to prove that there's not one "thing" that can cure our problems. As you all know, due to my last entry, my mother and I were recently in a tiff. In the process of buying a new car, my heart was not in the right place. I'm sure my illness came from riding proudly around with my top down.

My mother and I are better than ever, but it obviously was not because my new car brought me happiness. I am thoroughly enjoying it, nonetheless. Communication is key in any relationship.

July 31, 2006 Page 3